Was that my hair turning gray?

Is there an official "panic" stage of pregnancy? Official or not, I'm there. In the past 24 hours I've found myself Googling things as broad as "parenting" to "how am I supposed to take care of a baby???" I've thought about the parenting class I took one too many semesters ago going crazy over where I put those notes. Why didn't I burn the things I learned there into my brain? Why is the only thing I can remember something about when babies can sleep through the night and how to get your 20-something to move out? How am I suppose to know how much to feed this thing? How the heck do you swaddle? What if it hates me? Why haven't I signed up for a parenting class at the hospital yet? Why haven't I found out if my insurance even covers such a thing? Why haven't I found a two-bedroom apartment yet? I don't cook enough family dinners. Is that something I need to work on now or will it come with time? What's the deal with Doulas? What if I register for a white crib but end up wanting a black one? What if that dream I had the other night comes true and I give birth at 21 weeks? What if that other dream comes true and no one lets me see my baby for a week after he's born? What if my baby dies while sleeping in his car seat like that article on KSL the other day? What if there are complications during birth and I lose him? How am I suppose to deep-clean my apartment before we move out? Am I eating enough vegetables? I'm definitely not eating enough vegetables. What kind of mother am I going to be if I can't even stay on top of the laundry? Is the fact that we always forgot to feed our fish a representation of our parenting skills? How are we suppose to afford this endeavor? I definitely forget to take my prenatal vitamins too often. Will that cookie dough I ate at 8 weeks give my baby a brain defect? How will I know if I'm giving my baby terrible habits that he will carry with him throughout his life?

I would call this list the tip of the iceberg. 

This will go away eventually, right? I won't always be a nervous wreck?


  1. Hahaha. Even after I read this whole thing, the only thought I had was, "Baby. :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)"

    1. I'm going to help you deep clean your house. And help with anything you need. Ever. (Seriously, you BETTER take advantage of me! hahaha that sounded weird. You know what I mean. I'M HERE WOMAN. FURREVRRRR.)

    2. You're going to be amazing. The. End.


    4. Vegetables. Crap.

  2. Fret not dearest Sadie. I had all those exact worries you listed and now that I'm three months in I realize it all works out. That's a vague response, but it's true. Your instincts truly do kick in and you figure out your post-baby life one day at a time via trial and error.

    Trust you heart. It really does know best.

    Love you!

  3. i will clean your apartment. you don't have a say in the matter. and parenting classes are overrated... and i will be your doula if you want/help you write a birth plan/listen to your fears.

  4. Oh, I so understand this. I don't know if this is typical for you, but I just have a very worrisome and stressed personality in general and so I was a WRECK when I was pregnant. Google is wonderful but also the devil, I think.

    Most of it will come to you with time. They'll teach you swaddling and feeding and all that other stuff in the hospital. You'll basically have an army to help you learn how to take care of the baby. And some of it you'll just learn through trial and error. You'll mess up sometimes. Don't worry, your baby won't remember that time you forgot his feeding or swaddled him wrong 10 years down the road :)

    All the other stuff... Yeah, I hear that those worries will never go away. Once your baby survives birth and all the things you're worried about now, you'll just start worrying about other highly unlikely things like him getting kidnapped from preschool. It goes on forever. I think the goal for me hasn't necessarily been addressing each of my (sometimes irrational?) worries and minimizing them one-by-one, because that's not realistic, but more about learning how to live and function despite the natural parental worries and not letting it dictate my life and my parenting. You know what I mean?

    You're going to be such a good mom. I think the fact that you're thinking about all these things proves it pretty soundly :)

  5. This made me want to laugh and cry at the same time! I've so been there. You'll be an awesome mom. You won't forget to feed your baby like your goldfish... I promise! I used to have nightmares that I'd forget about my baby for weeks on end and never feed them. It never happened! You find this amazing ability in you to do all those things that actually matter, and to ignore all those things you used to think were so important (like homecooked meals... hit up the dollar store for some paper plates and cups and then get takeout... you'll thank me later!) And he's gonna be the cutest thing ever!!!