I'm fairly certain I'm going to be killed

Here is the thing. I love watching shows like America's Most Wanted and anything on Investigation Discovery. Yesterday Spence was flipping through the March Madness games and I made him stop on Mystery Detectives. We watched three episodes about three different murder trials*. I don't know what it is, they just fascinate me.

But here is the issue. They also freak me out. Big time. We're talking can't sit with my back to a room or fall asleep for a week kind of freak me out. Last night it took me a ridiculous amount of time to fall asleep and if Spencer moved far enough away that I couldn't feel him I would jerk awake in certainty that I was going to be killed. When I finally fell asleep I had a dream that one of my fellow Tucanos  employees from back in the day was murdered and I was a witness**. It was terrifying. 

It gets worse. 

Spencer left to do his home teaching today at noon, in the middle of the day, and I had a heart attack. I turned on Pandora so I wouldn't feel so alone, and when the music first started playing I jumped like a foot in the air. On edge, much? Later he went to pick up his brother to bring him over for dinner. He left shortly after I woke up from a nap, and I made him wait until I had checked our tiny apartment for intruders. 

We watched "When a Stranger Calls" on Halloween and I still get scared when I think about it. That scenario is literally my worst fear. I would die of fright before the creepy guy could even get to me. No joke.

Why do I keep watching these shows? I know how much they freak me out and how susceptible I am to fear, but yet I can't stop. They fascinate me. Sometimes I go through phases of banning myself from them but I always end up watching one in the end. 

Why?? Why am I so addicted to this form of media even though I know how bad it is for me?

What form of media do you keep coming back to even though you know you shouldn't?

*One of them was about a girl who was killed walking through her college campus. There was a creepy little path through the bushes everyone walked through and that's where she was attacked. You guys, it took them TWENTY FIVE YEARS to build an overhead pass so students wouldn't have to walk there anymore. I'm sorry. One girl gets killed there and I am never walking there again. I would move, quit my job, drop classes, whatever it took to avoid that spot like the plague. 25 years to build an overpass. Awesome. 
**Kristi & Sierra, no fear. It wasn't you.

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