I am not a tree. Got it.

Oh, hey. Hey there.

I just wanted to let you know that I have a midterm coming up. In other words, I just wanted to let you know that you have a bunch of random tutorials to look forward to.

I also have an assignment due on Thursday. It's a pretty big one. You wanna know the worst part? I don't like this class. I borderline hate this class. My professor is legit and it's whatever, but the material is just . . . blagh. I don't know how to pronounce that so take it as you will.

The thing is, I don't think I'm interested in my major anymore. I think I needed my major, and I think I have learned what I came to learn. And now I want to cry each time I think of going to this class, or going to the classes I am signed up for in the fall. 

That's not normal, right? You shouldn't want to cry at the thought of your major? Then I picture my life after graduation. You guys, I do not want to do what my major does. 

The thing is, I think I know what I want. I have been playing with an idea for over a year now, but lately it seems to be screaming at me.

I would have to take a bunch of pre-req classes, and then I would have to apply, and then it would take me two more years. I am a senior you guys. I've been here for a long time. And this is all if I even got accepted. gaaaaaaaaah someone guide my life for me. 

Wouldn't it be worth it though? In ten years I don't really see myself saying "Wow, I'm so glad I didn't spend two extra years in college so that I could do something I was interested in." I picture more of a "Heh, wouldn't it be horrible if I hadn't changed my major last minute and I was stuck in a 9-5 job that made me want to pull my hair out one piece at time? Yeah." 

What I really want to do is take a semester off and go move with my family to Morocco or the Caribbean or even just backpack through Europe and cut all my hair off in the process of "finding myself." I think this could also be classified as running from my fears.

I just want to know what will make me happy five years down the road. And what will not make me want to cry at the thought of class. 


  1. I love you Sadie girl! You will find your way! And when you figure out the secret of how to do that, do share it with the rest of us ;-)

  2. I um... did that. Mind you I went from theater education to english teaching so the transition was smoother than it could be, but still.

    Here's the thing that tipped the scales for me. Where else can you get such a cheap education? BYU costs relatively little comparatively. Plus, there are "seniors" of all ages at BYU, so no one judges when you're a 24 year old girl your senior year.

    I don't know what's right for you, but I personally am all for keeping you around Provo. Then we could be like... actual friends.

  3. oh 160. I can see how it would be so difficult to take such a beginners class after how many other classes you've taken. ugh. you've got this!!! I know. life is crazy. like, this post was perfect. but you'll be fine whatever happens. such good advice eh? ;) do what makes you happy. :) and as cheesy as it sounds, I still always believe in it... follow your heart! I love you!

  4. Do it! It's so not worth taking all those classes that you'll hate, and get a degree that you won't be proud of and won't want to use. If you're headed toward something you're excited about, it makes it those classes you don't like (because every major has them) more bearable, because you know they're getting you where you want to go.

    ... and the semester off in Morocco sounds fantastic!