1) When the waiter says "it's our most popular item on the menu." I'll admit, menus are stressful for me. There are so many choices and places like that cheesecake factory seriously hand you a book. How am I suppose to read all of these descriptions? So I guess in all of my glorified indecisiveness I should relish the moments when the waiter basically makes the decision for me, but instead I find myself overanalyzing the situation like crazy. What does that even mean, the most popular item on the menu? Does that mean that you have 40 regulars who come in once a week and order that same dish because they know how amazing it is, or does it mean that 40 different people come in every week, choose this because of it's great description, and then end up hating it and never coming back. I realize that this second situation is a little ridiculous, but I will never admit that it is completely ridiculous.
2) People who don't smile back. Like, what's your issue? I found the time in my day to smile at you as we passed, did returning the favor not fit in your schedule?
3) People who look at the drinking fountain or another equally uninteresting object to avoid making eye contact. We've all been there. You're the only two people walking down the hall and you're not sure when the appropriate time to make eye contact is. It's fine to feel awkward about it, but you don't have to pretend to be interested in the cinderblock wall. For the love, this is the 21st century, pretend you're playing angry birds.
4) First dates that involve swimsuits. Right. Like I can't see straight through that.
5) The way the world treats Jack Bauer. What? No one cares about 24 anymore? This is so last season? Whatever, I'm still not over it. "Hey Jack, it's been a while. I know we sold you to the Chinese government so they could imprison you and treat you like a rabid animal. I know we had to tell your daughter/the general population of the world that you were dead. Sorry about all of that. But we bought you back now, and for a hefty price. Don't worry, you were worth every penny because you are now going to be shot and killed by a terrorist and it will prevent this nation from becoming corrupt. We can't tell anyone about this, we will deny that it happened, all evidence will be burned, and your name will never be remembered as that of a hero." There's gotta be a point when being a hero goes to far.