Ok. My roommates and I watched it three months ago, so I guess it's time we finally talk about it.

You guys, I loved Breaking Dawn. I am being so serious. The second it ended we started the countdown to part II. If you are reading this you are officially obliged to invite me over if you ever watch it because that is how much I loved it. 

But like, duh. I loved it because of how ridiculously ridiculous it was. Serious question: was it a parody? Half-way through production did they realize how pathetic it was and decide to laugh it off?

Now, I'm not a huge Kristen Stewart fan. In fact, I'm not a Kristen Stewart fan, but I can't pretend like the girl is ugly. So the biggest question here is who was the make-up artist?? They did amazing things. Bella basically looks like she's been slapped in the face with death. The last five minutes of the movie Jennie and I did nothing but yell varieties of "HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY MAKE SOMEONE LOOK THAT HORRIBLE??!?!!" at the TV. 

This is not even the worst of it. At all. Google failed me.
The whole movie, until the last ten minutes, was like the most horribly lame and awkward love scene ever, and then the last few minutes turned into some sort of Japanese horror film.

So. much. blood. And was it really necessary for Edward to pry the child out of her stomach with his teeth? I really don't know if their awkward honeymoon or the horror-movie birth was more uncomfortable.

And like, what's with Bella's face? Not when she's looking like death, but the entire movie. I know this topic has been beaten to death, but she honestly has one facial expression:

She only smiled once the entire movie: when Jacob showed up at her wedding.


Then there's also that moment when she's chilling on the edge of Hades' fence and instead of turning to her husband for comfort she begs the best friend she once made out with to stay and keep her company. Right. Cause that is acceptable.  

The scene with the werewolves? "I, am the son, of a CHIEF!" If you have seen it you know what I mean and you are currently nodding/laughing at how crap-fest it was.

But don't forget, I loved it. I wish you could understand that I am not even being sarcastic, but that I have learned that there is a point when something horrible becomes funny. See Sierra's post on the topic for reference, and then go redbox Breaking Dawn pt.1 and invite me.

K thanks bye. 


  1. Just so you know, it's Kristen Stewart :)

  2. Once again you've perfectly captured my thoughts on Twilight/Breaking Dawn Part I. I tried to seriously ask my cousin, who legitimately loved it because she thought it was truly amazing, HOW she felt that way because I was sooo curious, but she got offended and wouldn't answer. But like I was totally seriously curious, I wasn't trying to be condescending. I just don't understand how people don't think it's a spoof. Do you get that? I bet you do.

    And I don't know your friends, but I need to be invited to part II with you guys because there is an approximate 0% chance that Trevor will ever go to a Twilight movie with me again... But I NEED to see it because I keep waiting for the big "just kidding" at some point. It just can't be real. Gosh I love it so much.

    Also I love you. Be in my life.

  3. Sadie, hahah you are hilarious. I particularly enjoyed the "I am the Son of a Chief!" part, and your sentence, "Yeah. Cause that is acceptable." Laughed out loud. And thanks for the shout out ;)