Forced small talk

You guys, I spend eleven of my daylight hours on campus. I mean, if we're being completely honest here it's actually 7:30-5:30 which is only ten hours, but ten sounds so much less pitiful than eleven so I'm counting commuting time in my total.

I know what you're thinking: who cares Sadie? My life is hard too! I do hard things* all the time! You're long day is not longer than mine!

Right. I know. I'm not here to complain to you, I'm here to make excuses. 

Do you know how hard it is to blog when you spend less than three waking hours at home? And those are a precious three hours, my friends. That is the time when I eat and get ready in the morning and go to bed at night and do homework. 

So like, worry not. I haven't forgotten about my blog. In fact, I have a memo in my phone called "blog ideas" and it is on the brink of being filled to capacity. 

Par exemple, I recently realized I have an annoying habit of starting small talk no matter how not-in-the-mood for it I am. The day I realized that "introvert" was largely portrayed as "bratty" I decided to set myself apart from the stereotype. I think it's safe to say that I have been utterly unsuccessful. 

I often go out of my way in class to start a chat with the person next to me. "Hey, what did you think of the homework?" "Is it cold in here to you?" "Did you hear about the Jazz game last night?" I probably use the last one the most, I really love sports. 

I do this because I feel like it is my way of letting people know "hey, I'm cool, I'm chill. I may not always look approachable/social but it's totes cool if you wanna strike up a conversation."

The issue is that people often take my lamest-of-lame attempts of small talk as just that - small talk. 

I'll be sitting in complete content reading the Mindy Kaling book on my phone before class and then I am overcome with some freakish urge to reach out to the people in my vicinity. 'It'll just be a second,' I tell myself, 'let them know you're not a speechless monster and then get back to your book.' But then next thing I know they're responding to my comments and engaging in dialect like I actually wanted a full-on conversation.

How dare they respond when I talk to them.

And so then I tell myself, 'Sadie, the point of this conversation is to show that you are not a conversation-hating introvert. Stick it out.' But in reality the only thing I've learned is that I should usually just shut it instead of reach out.

So yeah, like I said, I have notes to self on things I should blog about. I guess now I should cross "annoyed when people continue with my small talk, just let me read in peace" off the list.

I guess the point of this is me begging you not to give up on me. I promise I have posts in store, I just haven't had the energy to write fully-developed thoughts as of late. But I mean, are any of my thoughts ever fully developed?

*I have three alarms set on my phone, and they are named as follows: 1) "Go my son" 2) You can do hard things 3) if you wake up now you'll have time for breakfast. I'm usually out of bed a good five snoozes after number 3.

4 comments:

  1. I love this. We are the same. Why weren't we better friends at Tucanos?! I feel that I know you fifty million times better NOW than I did. Shame.

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