If you ever need a reason to judge me...

Last night Jennie and I set out to see The Help in the dollar theater. An hour later we found ourselves on my parent's couch watching Eclipse.

You can go ahead and start judging me now.

It was like 7:23 when we decided to go hit the 7:30 showing, so it was fo sho sold out by the time we found a parking spot and got through the line. 


We sat all dejected in her car and thought up plan B. We were already out and we didn't want to go back to our apartment. We had set our minds on a movie, and so we decided to go from there. We ran though a quick mental list of the movies that were playing, and landed on the obvious: Breaking Dawn.

What? No. Twilight? Gag me. Seriously though. I would rather throw up than read/watch that crazy mess. 

But it held a certain appeal. We could make fun of it. We could grab a t-shirt and a sharpie and make "Team Guy That Almost Hit Bella With A Car" shirts. We could make dramatic gasps and eat popcorn and leave the theater discussing the pure awfulness of it in loud voices.

In short, we could be menaces to society.

Jennie had the pedal to the metal and we were jetting off when sanity kicked in. Ten bucks to annoy twihards? Not worth it.

So back to square 1, which happened to be the same as plan B: find a movie.

The issue now was that we were in the mood to make fun. We couldn't have sat down and watched something serious or inspiring, we needed something at which we could scoff. The solution was simple: go rent Eclipse.

We went ahead and flipped a uey (...? have you ever tried to spell that? Do you know what I'm talking about? I'll help you out) and hit our local blockbuster. We shuffled on in and met the worker with our inquires over the Twilight series. I was sure to look appropriately embarrassed about my request and I'm pretty positive he understood that I was ashamed of my actions.

The problem was that they were actually all rented out of Eclipse. Apparently the release of the new movie sent Twilight fans (and haters, I guess) on a Twilight marathon rampage.

Just as mine and Jennie's dreams of movie-making-fun were crashing into dark oblivion, we were met with plan C: Eclipse was available to purchase for just $5.99.

We shared glances -  the worker, Jennie, and me - and the latter of us nodded.

That's right. In a desperate attempt to poke fun at a generational fad, I actually spent a good six bucks on Twilight Eclipse.

As I was checking out the worker man told me (quote) you are now the proud owner of Eclipse, so don't accidentally bring it back or anything (end quote) ...it's like he knew exactly what I was thinking.

My new plan is to run it over with my car. I'll let you know how it goes.

But... for all intents and purposes of the night, it was a success. I threw up in my mouth a few times and my hatred of every. single. character was renewed by tenfold.

And, thanks to this post, I can now avoid the Breaking Dawn fiasco completely.


Which, in case you were wondering, means "praise be to God"

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